i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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