I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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