you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
well, you know. whores of a feather.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
