who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
