Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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