so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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