I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All I want is dick and wine.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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