Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
