I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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