I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
