Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
