would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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