her vagine was all disorganized.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
