You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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