I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
