This girl is more easily done than said...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
