And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
