well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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