So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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