He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
