I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
