happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize