so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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