I seem to have left my pride at pride
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
