I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
