Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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