I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
