It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
