Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
