Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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