i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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