its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
