Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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