dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
