I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
