Whod you bang
Can i not drive my cunt home
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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