I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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