Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
