Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can you bring me the toilet please
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
