I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
