I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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