you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
