I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
ok first of all what the fuck
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
