Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
