O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
