I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
