..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
