dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
