Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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