i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
