you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
