Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
