i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
