I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
