Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize