There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
