I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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