matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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