i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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