I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she peed on how many people?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
